I’m sorry it’s taken me some time to write this. I’ve been struggling to find the words these past days. It still doesn’t seem real. I’ve come home for a while to be with everyone but part of me still thinks when I come back to Brighton you’ll still be there. That we’re still going to sit in Ola’s and watch the England game together on Tuesday, that I’ll see you on Monday morning in the gym, that I’ll finally actually come to rugby training instead of finding an excuse every week. I know we all have to come to terms with this but it’s just so hard to accept. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, it’s such a testament to how universally loved you are to see how many people have been so deeply affected by your passing.
I’ve not really talked about this with anyone, but I was so messed up last summer. I was at my lowest point and it was becoming difficult to see how I could keep going. I moved back to Brighton not out of excitement at what it may bring but out of fear of what continuing to languish at home could mean. I was afraid, almost everyone I knew in Brighton had left and I was faced with the possibility of being completely alone. Yet, you welcomed me into your life like I was family. We didn’t even know each other that well but you went above and beyond to make sure I wasn’t alone. You had no reason other than the kindness and warmth of your heart. I’d been suffering and you helped make me better again. Just being in your company made everything easier, I don’t think it’s possible to be miserable when you’re around, your warmth radiates to everyone in your presence, your laugh could lift a thousand frowns. I don’t know where I’d be without the kindness you showed me, I owe you everything.
I remember telling you I’d been struggling, normally I find it excruciating to express how I’m feeling yet with you it felt easy. I didn’t feel like I was burdening you because I knew how much you genuinely cared. You told me to come round whenever I was feeling low or that we’d go out for a beer and talk. It was strange because it didn’t even need to be said, I knew I could turn up at your house at 3 am and you’d be there for me. Your compassion was obvious to me just as it was to everyone who had the fortune of meeting you. You cared so much and asked for so little in return.
There’s not a lot more I can say that hasn’t already been said so beautifully by the many others whose lives you impacted so greatly. The smartest, kindest, bravest, funniest, all of it true. All of that and you were still the most handsome man in every room.
It’s been over a week since we had our last pint together now, I want to share with everyone that moment, not because it was remarkable, but because it was a completely ordinary interaction with you which is a testament to your brilliance.
I hadn’t seen you in a while. We talked of summer plans, how excited we were for the Euros, what costumes we’d wear to your party, how messy Newquay was going to be. We spoke about your new job at IBM, you were so excited. I joked that now you were working your three-month notice period you were on your summer holidays — you quickly shut that down, slacking wasn’t your style.
I asked you how things were going with Georgie, considering my own relationship had lasted about 12 minutes into lockdown, I was always curious to see how you were handling things. I know a lot of boys who do a lot of moaning about their partners — not you though bro, not even once. You’d been together for near five years and spent the last months stuck in a basement flat with no one but each other, and yet you still glowed when you spoke of her. I asked you how you did it, how was it possible to go through the past year and your love remain so pure? You smiled like you couldn’t even imagine it being any other way and said, ‘We’re lucky bro, we just really get on’.
I told you how nervous I was to receive my uni results for the year, that I felt my results in winter were a fluke and that soon I’d get caught out. You gassed me up so much, just like you always did, you made me feel so confident that I could do it, that I needn’t worry about my results because they were going to good. Suddenly I felt ridiculous for feeling any other way.
We finished our second pint and I said I had to leave, I could tell you would have stayed for another, but I had work early in the morning, so we left it there. There’s not a thing in the world I wouldn’t give to have stayed there and shared another beer with you.
Almost as soon as I’d left you, I got a message saying one of my module results had been released — I’d done better than I expected. I messaged you when I got home, the message you sent back, bro I swear you were more gassed than I was. You celebrated everyone else’s success like they were your own and we all love you for it.
I can’t believe I’ll never be able to repay the kindness you showed me. I’m so glad to have been able to call you my friend.
Love you to the moon and back brother, now and forever,
Will x
